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Post-COVID possibilities
How to capitalise on the post-COVID world, with NannyGranny’s resident psychologist.
For many, the COVID years may have been synonymous with stress, but if you can take some time to reflect and revaluate, you might craft an even better life than pre-pandemic.
As challenging as many of us found the last few years living through a pandemic, psychologists say that in some ways, it actually created the perfect conditions for reflection and re-evaluation of what we want our lives to look like.
“Big traumatic events like COVID often present the opportunity and conditions needed for growth and change,” says NannyGranny co-founder Warren Kilburn, a Melbourne psychologist who has spent the past few years on the “mental health frontline” of the pandemic.
"As we start to settle into this ‘post-COVID’ era, if we haven’t already, we now have the opportunity to create the time and space for reflection. We have the benefit of some distance and perspective, which enables us to see things more clearly and consider how we can choose to move forward, perhaps differently, to improve our lives.”
That was certainly the case for Rachel Broughton, who quit her once-loved secondary school teaching job to launch a business, Baby and Mumma Gifts.
“After working from home through all of Victoria’s lockdowns, I had a little taste of what it might be like working from home under different circumstances,” she says.
“Upon returning to the classroom, I realised I didn’t want this life anymore, I wanted freedom and flexibility that I just couldn’t get. So I quit my job, started my own business and started working around my children and their schedules.”
Similarly, Gippsland photographer Belle Chapman found a new calling during COVID lockdowns – photographing people who have been diagnosed with cancer before they start treatment.
“I run a family photography business and when COVID hit, I had to close my business due to lockdowns. I had extra time on my hands and needed something to keep my mind occupied, so I set up my charity where I provide free family photography to families facing a cancer diagnosis,” she says.
Now that lockdowns are hopefully behind us, Chapman is more motivated than ever to continue her charity side-hustle.
“I learnt how quickly something like cancer can change your life and it’s made me more determined to build my business big so I can help more people,” she says.
Warren says that for a lot of people like Rachel and Belle, there’s a sense of newfound optimism.
“People are saying, ‘I’m excited about the future – I’ve been locked up and now I’m out to build something or get some more joy or purpose,” he says.
But for all of the people charging into 2023 ready to start fresh, Warren says there’s an equal number who are still reeling from the past few years and struggling to adjust to the new normal, whether that’s due to mental health challenges, financial stress or relationship fallout.
“Many people are still experiencing the impacts of COVID and may be struggling to effectively transition from ‘pandemic mode’ to ‘post-pandemic mode’,” Warren says.
“Protracted traumatic experiences run the risk of creating long-term behavioural change because the person experiencing the ‘trauma’ stays in a high-adrenalin ‘survival’ mode for extended periods, resulting in reinforced habits, which can be challenging to undo.”
A time for reflection
Whether you’re feeling pumped or fearful about the future, Warren says we’d all benefit from taking time to consider what we want more of in our lives, and what we need less of.
He suggests we all grab a pen and paper and ponder:
What did I learn?
What did I find hardest?
What was surprising?
What did I do to survive that I no longer need to do?
What will I leave behind?
What will I take forward to create something new, for myself, my family or my community?
Can you take any meaningful insights to set some new goals?
“Consider where you want to be or what you might strive towards,” Warren suggests.
“Most of our sense of fulfillment comes from the pursuit of meaningful goals and betterment. That sense of striving gives us lots of feel good brain chemicals.”
For Rachel, she’s discovered that taking risks can be “amazing”.
“Don’t shy away from taking risks,” she says.
“The biggest take-away from [these years] is that we should not settle. We should not stay in a job we find stressful or unfulfilling. There are opportunities everywhere and if you are hungry to try something new, just try it!”
#Wellbeing
The trouble with being so busy
Economists in the 1930's predicted that with rapidly advancing technology, by now we'd only be working three hour days.In fact, their concern was what we would do with so much idle time on our hands. (Ha!)Well that's certainly not how the history cookie crumbled, and while we statistically have more leisure time than past generations (thanks to things like dishwasher, vacuum cleaners and hire help), many of us still feel like we're drowning in life busy-ness.So how can we stop ourselves being at the mercy of an insurmountale to-do list and better manage our time so we've got more of it, for the things that truly matter?1. Focus on your best 20 percentThe 80/20 philosophy suggest that 20 percent of our work drives 80 percent of our outcomes. It's called the Pareto Principle. So if you're feeling bogged down by the daily grind, can you try identifying - and prioritising - the 20 percenters that yield your greatest results?"It's very easy to confuse activity with productivity", says Tim Ferriss, author of the Four Hour Work Week."We all have the same amount of time... each day, whether you are President Obama or Richard Branson or you yourself. It's how you allocate that time that determines what your life looks like."Taking advantage of modern technology can really help with outsourcing your most loathed and necessary tasks. Whether it's hiring someone on Airtasker to clean out your pantry or laundry, getting a meal-delivery service to take care of dinners, or using NannyGranny to know your kids are well taken care of while you smash out some tasks, there are so many great tools for streamlining your life and freeing up time for things that make you happy (or make you money).2. Buy out of busy-nessWhen asked how we are, most of us can admit to an exascerbated "so busy!" response, but experts say that talking about being busy often perpetuates the problem.What we tell ourselves about our reality can easily become our reality so if we all keep thinking about how busy we are, it's easy to get stuck in a busy 'spin' cycle.So if you're feeling overwhelmed by what you need to get done, take a few deep, centring breaths, then revisit your to-do list with a sense of practicality about the 20 percenters that will truly propel you forward."There's such value in planning and actually knowing that you're able to spend your energy wisely over time and stay focused on the things that are a priority for you, because when we get distracted, we get overwhelmed," says executive coach, Lyndall Mitchell, author of Chaos to Calm: Take Control with Confidence."When you've put some preparation in, you're less likely to feel overwhelmed and start in that frenzied state."3. Do one thing at a timeWhere possible, try to block your time for specific tasks, rather than trying to multi-task emails while your toddler is tugging at your hem."Multi-tasking is what makes us feel pressed for time," says Elizabeth Dunn, a psychology professor at the University of British Columbia in Vancouver, Canada."No matter what people are doing, people feel better when they are focused on that activity."4. Be realistic (and kind to yourself!)Sure, we'd all love to fit in an hour of exercise, quality time with the kids, a productive day at work and an organic, home-cooked meal each night, but there are only so many hours in the day.Realistically work out what you can pull off in a day and dial your to-do list back to something truly achieveable, leaving you with a sense of control."When you remove what's not essential, you are making time for what really matters," says human behaviour expert Gustavo Razzetti.See if you can shift your productivity approach from doing everything to doing fewer things, better. Being busy is not a badge of honour.
#Wellbeing
Noni's Cheese Scones
Ingredients2 cups plain flour1 cup self rising flour1 tsp baking powderPinch saltSprinkle cayenne pepper2x cups grated chedder cheeseSprinkle parmesan1/2 cup milk1/2 cup waterMethod**Preheat oven to 220"C & prepare oven tray with baking paperSift flour onto a dry surface for rolling & prepare cutter (I just use a small glass)Sift dry ingredients & combineSlowly stir in milk & water (premixed)Fold in cheese (just fold it in) and add parmesan as top sprinkleCombine to a circular dough about 1" thick (if dry add milk/water / if wet add flour).Cut shape, place on trayCook for 12-14mins (watch for golden brown tops)Remove from oven, place on baking tray & allow to cook**HOT TIP: These are amazing the next day cut in half & popped in the toaster (OMG). Butter, vegemite or jam...
#Lifestyle
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How to entertain kids at home
Keeping kids occupied, particularly during the cooler months, can be a challenge. It can be tempting to switch on the television or pass them the iPad. But with a bit of creativity and organisation, you can be armed with a range of activities that not only keep them entertained, but help to learn, develop motor skills and improve communication, too.
Here are some great tips to entertain kids at home without blowing the budget.
Make play-doh
This will keep the little ones entertained for ages. First, get them involved in making the play-doh as it will give them an easy introduction to kitchen-based skills.
You will need:
Two to three drops of food colouring
One cup of cold water
One cup of salt
One tablespoon of oil
Two cups of plain flour
Get mixing
Place the plain flour and salt in a bowl, mix using hands or a large wooden spoon. Encourage the kids to play their part
Stir in the water, oil and food colouring and mix again
Take the mixture out of the bowl and knead on a flour-covered bench-top or breadboard
Encourage the children to get creative with their play. Use cookie cutters to make shapes or a blunt plastic knife to cut the dough into numbers and letters. When you’re done, be sure to place the play-doh in a sealed plastic container so it’s ready for next time.
Mindful glitter jars
Playtime is often about using excess energy and imagination, but at other times it’s great to tackle an activity that gives children the opportunity to slow down and practice mindfulness.
To make mindful glitter jars, simply source old screw-top jars and help the kids add water and glitter. Once you’ve made them, sit together and explain the ways the glass jar is like our minds. Shake the jar vigorously and show them that this is what our minds are like when we’re busy, active and playing.
Then, place the jars on a table and watch the flecks of glitter settle. This shows how our thoughts slow down when we’re still. Once all of the glitter is sitting at the bottom of the jar, the water is clear – just like our minds when we’re at rest. This is a chance to discuss the ways kids can learn to manage thoughts and emotions.
Indoor bowling
Ask each child to make their own bowling ball by scrunching up a few pieces of newspaper and securing it in a ball with sticky tape. Take 10 plastic cups or containers from the kitchen and set them up as pins at one end of the room or hallway.
Each child will take turns rolling their ball down the hall to knock over as many pins as they can. Encourage older children to keep their score and add up their own total. After five rounds, calculate who has knocked over the most pins.
The teddy bear number game
For this game you’ll need 10 pieces of paper, coloured pencils, scissors, and 10 stuffed toys.
First, place a number – from one to 10 – on each piece of paper. Draw the outline in a bubble shape. The children are then encouraged to decorate or colour in each number.
Once they’ve completed their numbers, cut them out and stick each one to the stuffed toy’s stomach using sticky tape.
Ask the children to close their eyes, count to 30 while you hide each numbered toy in different rooms of the house. When you’re ready, shout: “Go find them!” The kids are encouraged to run around to find all 10 toys and line up each one in a row, from one to 10.
#Childcare
How to reduce your mental load
"My mental load is killing me!" has become a common catchcry amongst 21st century women who finally have a term that perfectly sums up our perpetual to-do list.
The phrase "the mental load" was highlighted by French cartoonist "Emma" whose story "You should've asked" went viral in 2017, drawing attention to the frustration – and exhaustion – so many women, in particular, feel about keeping countless balls in the air.
In the cartoon, a woman is trying to cook, feed her children and entertain a friend when the pot boils over. Her husband, who was enjoying a beer in front of the television, says he would happily have helped if she'd just asked.
And this is the crux of the issue – whether it's nature or nurture, women are often expert multi-taskers, hosting a constantly spinning hamster wheel of to-dos. We're adept at making sure homework is happening while washing is spinning and work deadlines are being strategised. We see things that need doing, and automatically execute a plan.
The mental load can be taxing in many unexpected ways – it's largely invisible, uncelebrated work that doesn't lead to a promotion or payrise and can keep us awake at night, thus affecting our mood, performance and health.
The beauty of finally having a term that so cleverly defines our ever-ticking brains is that we can start to take action to ease the brain clutter and better share the load. Here's how.
1. Find your speciality
One of the biggest problems with the division of household labour comes when household members don't have clearly defined roles. While delegating tasks to your partner simply adds another notch to your mental load (having to remember to remind them), writer Julia Pelly says each adult needs to become a specialist in certain areas so that the other doesn't give it a thought.
"Over the last six months I haven’t loaded the dishwasher, run the vacuum, or taken the trash out a single time. I also haven’t done any of the mental work associated with these tasks like remembering when to do them, making sure we’re well stocked with dishwasher detergent and trash bags, and so on," she writes on Mother.ly."While it might sounds like I’m living the glam life, in the same time frame my husband hasn’t cleaned the bathrooms, washed the windows or paid a single bill. By specialising, instead of both trying to half-do everything, we’ve found balance in the ways we distribute the work of our family."
Set aside some time to write down the most important household tasks and divvy them up according to what comes most easily to each of you, and set up direct debits and calendar alerts to help take other tasks off your mind.
2. Have a little faith
It often feels that if we don't complete a task, then nobody will. But often when we give our kids and partners a chance to step up, they actually will.
As soon as the kids are old enough, get them packing their own lunches and even if they're not doing their own clothes washing, they can at least put their dirty clothes in the basket.
As for our partners, empower them to take charge and use their own initiative. Forget leaving instruction manuals for child-caring and pre-prepared meals when you go out – most partners will rise to the occasion and while things might not go smoothly the first time, they'll learn over time, just like we did.
3. Choose the right time to talk
As frustrating as your mental load might be, try not to bring it up with your partner in a heated moment, or you'll likely just get them offside instead of constructively helping develop solutions.
Find a time when you're both relatively calm and available, and try approach the topic with open-minded curiosity rather than name-calling.
"You could say, 'How can we talk about this in a way that doesn't end up like we're blaming and being critical? How can we talk about it in a way that we both have a bit of give and take and we become someone that's easier or nicer to live with?'" counsellor Fiona Bennett from Relationships Australia WA suggests.
"Talk about it so that you're both looking at it together, rather than finger-pointing. It makes the perspective different."
#Lifestyle
Five benefits of at-home childcare
Whether you’re returning to work after maternity leave or looking for flexible support, arranging at-home childcare can provide so many benefits for parents, children and the carers, too.
While there are plenty of great things about socialising children early in childcare centres, playgroups and kindergartens, at-home care provides a nice contrast, creating safe, consistent and calm environments which can add harmony to the household. Here, we explore some of the benefits of arranging at-home care.
A familiar environment
Leaving your child with a carer for the first time can be incredibly daunting. However, if you engage a trusted at-home carer, you can be assured that at least your child is in an environment that’s familiar to them: all of their toys are there, and they are put in their bed when it’s time for a sleep.
This can be particularly beneficial for very young children and those who mightn’t be quite ready to socalise in a day care facility – not to mention the reduced chance of them falling ill as a result of being exposed to sick toddlers. It’s also particularly advantageous for time-poor families. You needn’t worry about bundling the clan into the car to each morning when the childcare worker comes to you.
Undivided attention
While the ratio of educators and carers varies from state-to-state, in Victoria, it’s one adult to 11 children aged over 36 months. There are plenty of advantages, of course. Your children have the opportunity to socialise with other children and learn important independence skills. But when you choose at-home care, you know that your children are receiving constant attention.
Research from Stanford University confirms the advantages of employing intergenerational carers and highlights the commitment they bring to the role. According to researchers, older adults are perfectly suited to early child care because they “welcome meaningful, productive activity and engagement,” researchers said.
Leaving your children with a trusted at-home carer ensures that meal preparation, supervised playtime and daytime sleeps remain a consistent part of your child’s routine.
Flexibility for working parents
It can be difficult to find care when you need casual or part-time support. Perhaps you only need care for half a day, but the hours are 3pm until 7pm. Or, you need someone who can do one full day and one half-day.
Whatever your circumstances, you can negotiate a flexible arrangement with an at-home carer. Chances are, the flexibility will suit them, too.
The best kind of experience: real life
Employing an at-home carer not only gives you peace-of-mind and flexibility, it also gives you’re the opportunity to engage someone with first-hand experience. If your chosen carer has successfully raised her own children, and there’s no better qualification than that.
Often, we overlook the value of the previous generation’s experience, when in reality it is among the most reliable and trusted available to us.
A powerful relationship can form
Having an at-home carer in your home on a regular basis can deliver similar results. As their relationship grows, both carers and children can learn from each other, enjoy different perspectives and share in the joy that comes with seeing the world through a child’s eyes.
As US-based writer Marc Freedman points out in his book How to Live Forever: The Enduring Power of Connecting the Generations, intergenerational relationships can be a “route to success” for children and provide happiness and wellbeing for older people, too. His body of research indicates that children with elder influences were less likely to engage in risky behaviour, while older adults potentially lived longer, as a result of strong social and emotional wellbeing.
The bond that develops is beneficial for everyone and can’t always be replicated in other care environments.
#Childcare